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The Insecurities of Being an Older Mom

Midlife Motherhood

SG Buckley
3 min readMay 2, 2022
Photo by Alexey Shikov on Unsplash

Having a baby post 40 is challenging enough without people thinking you’re a grandma.

I’m at a deli counter in a grocery store when the woman slicing my roast beef asks: “Is that your baby? Or yours for the day?”

“I know,” I say, “she looks nothing like me.” To which she replies: “Oh, I guess that’s it…”, in a way that suggests that’s not it at all.

Only later does it dawn on me she was questioning whether I was the baby’s grandma.

Another time I’m pushing my daughter in a stroller and an actual grandma with a baby stops for a chat. She says our neighborhood is full of grandmothers caring for children. As I walk away, I wonder if she thinks I’m one of them.

When I tell friends these stories, they say I’m being hypersensitive. They say no one can guess my age, and who cares anyway? What matters is how I feel. Besides, it’s not like I’m the only older mom out there.

The average age of first-time moms has risen from 21 in 1970 in the US to 26. In other countries, like Greece, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Japan, Spain and Italy, it’s 30-plus.

Women are delaying parenthood to pursue careers — including A-list celebrities like Rachel Weisz at 48 and Laura Linney at 49 — or are…

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SG Buckley
SG Buckley

Written by SG Buckley

Writer, editor, parent. Former staffer at Quartz, WSJ and Inc. magazine.

Responses (19)

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2-3 years prior to my last child’s birth (2 mos before I turned 44), my eldest daughter & I were out with one of the youngest girls. The little one was about 6 months old. My oldest daughter was holding the baby at the time.

She was horrified to…

I feel exactly the same! I was 41 when I had my daughter and although I have no regrets, it’s still a strange situation. I did find it was much easier when we lived in San Fran as the majority of moms were older and had established careers. We…

I totally hear you. I became a Mum even older than you, and for sure as she gets older, I'm going to hear more of those kind of comments.
I definitely have more patience now, and to be honest, I didn't meet a man to have kids with until later on, so…