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Parenting Techniques from the President’s Playbook
Parenting 101
Technique 1: Lie
It’s after 4pm. I’m late to pick up my daughter from school. By the time I arrive, she’s curbside, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.
“You’re late!” she snaps.
“No I’m not,” I reply. “You said 4:30pm.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yes you did! I wrote it right here.” I show her my diary. It says “4:30PM PICK UP DAUGHTER FROM SCHOOL!” in black Sharpie pen.
Technique 2: Blame Others
Daughter stomps into room.
“Mom! Did you buy my soccer jersey?”
“What?”
“You promised you’d get it. Mine is too small. The match is today.”
“Of course I ordered it,” I say.
“Then where is it?” she asks, looking confused.
“It must be in your room. It’s total chaos in there.”
“You didn’t order it, did you Mom.”
“I did, I swear. But they never sent it.”
“Seriously Mom?”
“Seriously. You know you can’t trust diversity hires.”
Technique 3: Flood the Zone
